What God Has Prepared...

God has a unique and specific plan for each of our lives. In fact, 1 Corinthians 2:9 says "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him." Isn't that an exciting thought? Our wonderful and almighty God loves us so much that He created a special plan for our lives. For me, it is humbling. I have seen God's work in action in my life over the last six months. For those of you who know me, I just recently graduated from Francis Marion University with a Bachelor's of Science degree in Elementary Education. Sounds great, right? Well, it would be....if I wanted to teach elementary school. I had an unsettling experience during my student teaching block this past semester starting in January. I went into the experience ready and willing to conquer the educational world only to be constantly knocked down by one source or another. However, my students for the most part were wonderful. I made a lot of close relationships with the kids and I saw change in one or two of them as my time at the school progressed. However, there were other factors at this school that wore my soul down to its very core. I had one person who constantly challenged every thought, every feeling, and every word I ever said. It was frustrating. I think my well-being was really shot when this person looked at me and said "If you really think you're giving this experience 100%...then this isn't the profession for you, Kate." Mind you.....I had been out for two days with a crippling stomach bug. My hurt feelings turned to anger. How dare this person tell me that this wasn't the profession for me when this was all I had dreamed about doing since I was a child! I knew that if I was going to get through this experience that I would have to toughen up...a lot. I had a close friend of mine tell me, "You've got to take your heart off your sleeve and keep it in your pocket until this experience is over." She was right. I had to stop being myself in order to deal. I had to be...cold, serious, and overly driven. During this time, I relied on family, my fiance, and God to keep me sane. My family told me over and over to just keep doing my best, my fiance told me to do what made me happy no matter what, and God was silently watching. I know that God was there...I just couldn't hear Him at times. His presence was often times missing...or maybe I just thought it was. I remember a time in February when I walked outside and looked around. The day was dreary as most winter days are. Everything was bare; much like my life at the time felt. I remember thinking that things were hopeless. I swore that I was not going to make it to graduation. I asked God to give me a sign. I thought to myself, "God, if you're there, please let the wind make that tree move." Okay, silly, I know. But, I was desperate for a sign that He was there. The tree didn't move and I know why. God doesn't like to be told what to do. He doesn't do things simply for our satisfaction. That is where faith comes in. I lacked a lot of faith during that time. I would lie awake at night with my thoughts going 100 miles a minute. My heart would often times race indicating that anxiety, my enemy, was ever-present. I honestly felt alone. I look back now and wonder if maybe that was an experience that God used to bring me closer to Him. I do know for a fact that God used that experience to tell me that the elementary world was not for me. After graduation, I decided that pre-school might be a better alternative for me. I adore small children and think that the atmosphere in a pre-school setting might be more Kate-friendly. Some members of my family blame my experience for me not wanting to teach elementary. They harbor feelings of anger and frustration towards the main person that wore me out physically, spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. However, I see that experience as God's way of telling me "This isn't for you...at least not now." I will be teaching 4k in the fall at a Christian pre-school and that is so very exciting. In public school, it is not appropriate to mention God's name or the Bible or any of God's amazing wonders. Well, that just isn't okay with me. Why should I have to silence my love for God when He is what has kept me going all of these years? Yes, I will admit that at times, He does seem distant. However, I know that He is always there. It's me that is being distant from Him. I sometimes let life get away from me. However, I know that God is steadfast. His love is steadfast. He uses experiences in our lives to direct our paths to where we should be and my path is taking me to great places.